It has come to my attention that I have a LOT of kiwi friends. I find the people irresistible and the more I know about New Zealand, the more it makes me smile. Pondering my fascination with our bro’s across the ditch, I have put together a list of the reasons I love kiwis.
- Kiwis don’t take anything seriously. Their sense of humour is subtle, a little bit kooky and gets me every time. Take this Flight of the Conchords song for example: They are the first to take the piss out of themselves and the results are hilarious. Even their national airline (Air New Zealand) has visitors laughing their way into the country with their entertaining in-flight safety videos. Also, their national sporting teams are called the All Blacks (rugby), the All Whites (football) and the Tall Blacks (yes… basketball). Did I mention they don’t take anything seriously?
- Kiwis don’t take anything seriously EXCEPT rugby. They will never miss an All Blacks game. Ever. I learnt this the hard way when I wanted to take a friend out for dinner for his birthday. Our plans were folied when at the last minute he realised that the All Blacks were playing (a trial game). We didn’t eat until 11pm that night.
- Kiwis are named after their national symbol, the kiwi. The kiwi is a flightless bird, native only to New Zealand. It walks around picking up rubbish and putting it in the bin. At least, that is what my kiwi mate told me.
- This guy: Made internet famous by his advice to “always blow on the pie, safer communities together” this guy is awesome.
- News stories from New Zealand often have a way of making me smile. Earlier this year a (phallic) schoolyard practical joke was immortalised in Google images. New Zealander Cameron Leslie was interviewed in Oslo after the bomber attacked the city. “Naturally he finished his set” before evacuating the gym he was working out in. The timing was inappropriate, but it was still a classic. And who could forget Happy Feet, the lost emperor penguin that found himself a few thousand miles off course on a New Zealand beach, was then mended and re-released into the wild.
- All Kiwis have a mental fact sheet about the achievements of New Zealanders. Off the top of my head I can name a few that have been repeatedly told to me: New Zealander Richard Pearse* was actually the first to fly (before the Wright Brothers), Anna Paquin (now of True Blood fame) is the second youngest person to ever receive an a Academy Award, the All Blacks have the greatest win-rate of any sporting team (84%), Earnest Rutherford (who split the atom) was kiwi born, and (my personal favourite) Kiwi’s invented jogging!* Kiwis are armed with these facts and many, many more and they will bust them out at any opportunity.
- However, thankfully neither of us want to claim Russell Crowe.
- New Zealanders’ loyalty to their kinsmen’s achievements also extends to their wallets. They’re prepared to pay premium price to drink New Zealand Sauv. Blanc, Monteith’s cider and fly Air New Zealand. They really do back their own without question. Although who could blame them when the cider is SO refreshing?
- The uccents! I simply cannot write this list without mentioning the kiwi uccent. I know it seems like we take the puss out of you, but we mean it in good heart. We just don’t know how much it annoys you. And c’mon! You guys even take the piss out of your own accents, like in this anti-drink driving advertisement. Ligunds!
- Above all, a Kiwis loyalty extends beyond their country, their kinsmen’s achievements, and their delicious sparkling cider. Kiwis make the best and most loyal friends a person could ask for (you know who you are… yes YOU!). I know you don’t always cheer for us to win in sports, but that’s alright. We forgive you. And in turn please don’t get mad when we ask you to repeat things like “the bear had a beer after sex at six”, or at least if it does bother you, please just humour our simple Australian minds.
I could go on, but I won’t, because all this talk of kiwis has made me hungry for Burger Fuel. Which is another amazing kiwi invention (if you’re in Sydney you can find it in Newtown).
What else do you love about our friends from the long white cloud?
*These links were originally sent to me from kiwi friends in order to settle disputes.