Questions and Answers: Internet fears, pandogs & superglued

Tonight on Questions and Answers I’ll be answering a couple of your burning questions. You know how we all have that friend who everybody turns to for answers? Well that’s never been me (I’m not that great of a listener) but maybe I just never had the chance. And isn’t Christmas about giving people chances? Or is that Easter? Hmm… Either way I’m still going to do this post because I already typed some of it up. Let’s get into it…

Question1: Internet world…Internet

Things are tough out there on the mean pages of the web. This question is really more of a personal opinion. But since you asked so nicely, Emily, I will have to say the comments section of various news sites truly haunt my nightmares. I can’t show you enough examples. Some of the best advice I’ve read is from the talented Elmo Keep: “Don’t read the bottom half of the internet”.

Comments on the internet are terrifying (besides my blog of course where my readers are a rare and lovely breed). If you are sick of seeing racist, sexist, hate-filled comments and the worst imaginable spelling and grammar on your daily web commutes maybe you should try this comment blocker. On an unrelated note, can everyone please comment in the allocated area below because I need validation for spending the morning reading Yahoo! Answers.

Question 2: Panda/dog breeding prices

panddog2

So you’re thinking of buying a pandog… Before you commit there are a couple of things you should know; Pandog’s aren’t just for Christmas.

Pandogs are versatile pets; they enjoy catching Frisbees in the park just as much as using slides in the rainforest. They can suffer low self esteem and may need regular affirmations such as “no your bum doesn’t look big in that fur”. They prefer a bamboo flavoured Schmacko which can be hard to purchase in some supermark-OK I am not even trying anymore I think we should skip to the next question.

Question 3: Hand glued to face

handface2

Talk about *facepalm*! AMIRIGHT, AMIRIGHT?!

Hey Christina, sorry for the jokes, we’ve all been there. And by ‘been there’ I mean done something so stupid we begin to question our achievements, skills and knowledge and think maybe, just maybe, the world has been playing along with our foolishness all this time in some sort of twisted, sympathetic-for-the-idiot, Truman-style show.

This happens to me sometimes too, for example when I misread a hand signal like this guy:

At this time it’s important to try to accept that your hand is permanently glued to your face and look at the positives. For starters you won’t need to wear a hat anymore due to having a permanent face-shade. Also, when something bad happens and you instinctively want to place your head in your hand – oh joy – it’s already there! You’re two moves ahead of the rest of us on that one, Christina! Maybe the ‘hand-face’ will become a new dance move, sweeping the world one morning television show at a time. There’s that permanent pensive look about you you’ll always have (did I hear ‘promotion’?) And as a last resort you can always champion a new charity Hand-faces across the Globe or be the face of an awareness campaign on the safety hazards of using glue. The possibilities are endless Christina, try to keep your head (and hand) up.

That’s it for today guys. Coming up next week, we expose the difference in love calculators, who truly has the correct formula?

love calculator2

Until then, goodnight. *Outro music to play here*

Got any burning questions?

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