Robots gunna kill us all…

Stephen Hawking, Bill Gates, Elon Musk and many other of the world’s greatest minds agree that super-intelligence poses one of the greatest threats to humanity. The theory goes that humans will create machines so smart they will learn how to make themselves more intelligent, becoming superior to us. The super intelligent AI comes to understand that the death of all humans is the most efficient way forward and kills us all.

I guess we all gotta go someday, hey?!

SG18XL

Before they kill us, however, they will take our jobs. I know what you’re thinking “there is no way a machine can do my job”. Phone operators, bank tellers and travel agents all used to think this too. Is hospitality your game? Think no machine could ever replace a smiling warm welcome? You had better start upskilling as robots are all over your turf. This robot hotel has machines that will check you in, take your bags and clean your room…

This robot will check you in today, check you out NEVER!

This robot will check you in today, check you out – NEVER!

It’s hard to think of a better place to lay down my defenses and lie unconscious for 8 hours.

I used to think my job as a research consultant was too clever for a robot to perform. And then I heard that our TVs are listening in on our living room chat without us even knowing. The television is now effectively the best type of observational researcher money can buy! Always listening, the TV silently reports back your experiences, motivations and desires to interested third parties who have commercial benefits to gain. Once the TV learns how to create a PowerPoint document summarising key findings and provide strategic recommendations – the end is nigh.

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As robots build up their skills and make the need for humankind redundant, they are also building up their motivation and skills to destroy us. If a robots job is to keep the world a secure, safe, happy place – could it not justify that ridding the world of all humans could do this?

This cleaning robot thinks so: he attempted to eat his owner while she napped unsuspecting on the floor. I can see how it works… eliminate source of mess = performing job at 100% efficiency. BE ALERT!

Cleaning bot ingested its owners hair while she was sleeping...

Cleaning bot ingested its owners hair while she was sleeping…

Some robots don’t need to look that for for a human destroying motive: for example this robot dog is being abused at his place of work. Spot just goes about his business with nothing but a kick in the guts in return.

Capture

No doubt he is plotting to kill his creators… and their little dogs too.

And it’s not just physical abuse, the robots are toying with our emotions too.  I’m sure my fitbit has been fat-shaming me and just the other night I caught my hair straightener putting nude pics of me online. Never mind the bargaining power my browser would have with my search history!

They’re already killing us passively too. Did you know sitting at your desk staring at your computer all day is killing you? Of course you did… but you still do it don’t you. You’re probably sitting at your desk right now. *Play this sound*

Hal-9000-20013

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