about miranda ryan

Who knew the about me section of my own blog could be so painful to read and update.

I’m an Aussie who moved to Canada in 2019 where I met and fell hard for my love, Michael. We married last April and then in July he died. I found myself widowed at 35, in a foreign country in the middle of a global pandemic. It’s been… difficult.

This section of this site (formerly known as The Naked Envelope) used to say: This a place to keep all my stories, even if they aren’t particularly addressed to anyone (yet). These stories are the raw/naked me with no holding back… even when maybe I should.

Now? I’m split into two lives: Before and After.

Before Michael died I was working in the film industry in Canada, wanting to become a screenwriter. I had hopes and dreams and love and peace.

After Michael died I am a shredded heap, existing in a nightmare, without my love, in pieces. I found myself alone, grieving, traumatized and completely ill-equipped to deal with the loss of this magnitude. And the people around me weren’t equipped either – none of us are.  

If you’ve found this site because you’re grieving too, I’m so sorry for your loss.

If you’ve found this site because you want to help your person who is grieving, thank you. They need you now more than ever, even if they aren’t returning your calls or texts.

If you’re one of my people – thank you for reading and sticking with me. I wouldn’t be here without you.

I originally started this blog in 2011 as a place to keep my ramblings. I gave it up a few years later and thought I wouldn’t need it again. Now I’m in desperate need of an outlet for my grief. I also know I’ve been searching for stories of people like me. Clutching at the few I find that I can relate to, shying away from many others. Grief is not normalized, and it should be. It’s inevitable for everyone.

So I feel compelled to share my grief with the hope it will help someone who feels similar, or educate those lucky people who haven’t had to experience it on the front lines.

I’ll be figuring this shit out as I go, but my basic aim will be to add another voice to #normalizegrief and reduce various stigma.

Me in May 2021, wearing a shirt with my name on it because sometimes in grief you forget.