Robots gunna kill us all…

Stephen Hawking, Bill Gates, Elon Musk and many other of the world’s greatest minds agree that super-intelligence poses one of the greatest threats to humanity. The theory goes that humans will create machines so smart they will learn how to make themselves more intelligent, becoming superior to us. The super intelligent AI comes to understand that the death of all humans is the most efficient way forward and kills us all.

I guess we all gotta go someday, hey?! Continue reading

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Peanuts for Allergies – Controversial Allegations Enough to Take the Rose out of Every Cheek

Controversial allegations have come to light that suggest senior executives at Vegemite created peanut allergies in efforts to reclaim some of their lost market share. A series of leaked emails allege operation ‘Down with P: V on Top’ was an ongoing take-down strategy that aimed to get peanut butter banned from schools and force parents to use allergy-friendly Vegemite.

One of the most shocking elements to the controversy was the alleged payment of school children to fake the illness Continue reading

Hottest 100 Predictions – What’s Going On This Australia Day?

Ken oath I love ‘straya. I’d potentially call myself ‘patriotic’ if it didn’t have the cringe worthy associations with racism and shame surrounding our colonial past. But I’m not here to lecture on our issues with racism, our binge drinking culture, or our national identity issues – I’m not actually clever enough to write about those things anyway. Instead I’m writing about the things I like about Australia Day, that is: barbequed meats; an obligation to eat lamingtons; and triple j’s Hottest 100. Continue reading

My Shitty Results in Buzzfeed Quizzes Are Giving Me a Complex

The results are in. And if the scientific basis of the Buzzfeed quizzes are anything to go by (which they obviously are) my personality is looking more than questionable. Getting the worst option in one or two “which something are you?” style quizzes can be funny, but it’s happened to me too many times to count. It’s made me wonder: is it me?

Some of my recent Buzzfeed quiz results include:

Bluth family member: Buster Bluth 

Arrested Development is one of my favourite comedy’s so I was extremely excited to take this quiz. And then I got Buster… Continue reading

The Seven Deadly (Modern Day) Sins

What would our society look like if it wasn’t for the seven deadly sins? The internet would sure be quiet place… you know without the porn (lust), every comment everywhere (wrath) and YouTube (sloth). We’d have no banking or financial services (greed), half the world wouldn’t be overweight (gluttony) and there would be no LinkedIn (pride) – actually social media wouldn’t exist at all (envy/pride/sloth/lust…). So if these sins aren’t really hitting home with people, and it’s too hard to change society, maybe it’s time we changed the sins? (This may be the easy way, but hey – I’m a sloth at heart.)

So what are our daily sins of the now?

  1. Running smugness: The act of connecting your Nike running updates to your Facebook feed. No one cares… especially the person you’re trying to impress by doing this. Sin is worse if you are training for a marathon you fit, healthy, early morning jogging jerk. Unsubscribe.
  2. Aisle seat insistence: Commonly seen on public trains. The act of making people climb over you to get to the seat on the other side while you retain the aisle position. Continue reading

The Do’s and Don’ts of Tindering

I’ve been on Tinder for about 48 hours now so I guess you could say I’m a total pro…

For those of you that don’t know, Tinder is a dating app with the aim to “discover those around you… and connect you if you’re both interested”. Based on your Facebook data the app recommends matches which you can like or pass. If you both choose ‘like’ then you are matched up and can message each other. Your profile consists of up to five photos, your age, any mutual friends, and a tagline. Basically it’s the simplest, most superficial form of internet dating: it’s speed-dating of the internet.

Two nights ago my male housemates, who both use the app, convinced me to join so they could “check out their competition”. After connecting my phone to the Apple TV the three of us went through my potential suitors, the boys shouting at me to swipe left (Nope) or right (Like) to guys they thought were cool. Things got judgemental… like Year 8 High School bitchy. We argued, we laughed, and we were down-right scared.

I'm worried this guy is only 9 miles away...

I’m worried this guy is only 9 miles away…

Continue reading

10 Frightening Ways I’m Becoming My Parents

Lately I’ve noticed a few alarming things about myself. Things I would have never dreamed I’d say, do or be. It’s a scary reality and it’s happening fast… I am becoming my parents and this is how:

  1. Sometimes I get out of bed before 8am on the weekend, even though I don’t have to. Continue reading